Hey girl, hey!
Welcome to Part II of the Girlfriend’s, Budget series “Confessions”! Today I introduce to you someone who is very near and dear to my heart. Not only is she the number one fan of Girlfriend’s, Budget and star student of FCL Financial Coaching…. She also happens to be my wife. Meet Dee - The Loaner.
After a hard day’s work, Dee and I grabbed a glass of wine and reminisced on days passed. Here’s how the conversation went:
[Elle]: “It’s been a journey for you!”
[Dee]: “Yes, it absolutely has been.”
[Elle]: “So, what’s your first memory of the shift you saw in your finances?”
[Dee]: “When my credit score started improving and I was approved for my car and I just started seeing debt go away, but definitely the credit score… that was the biggest turn for me. I was just like wow!”
[Elle]: “Were you like ‘wow’ because you were surprised?”
[Dee]: “I was like ‘wow’ because I saw how far we’ve come. And I say ‘we’ because I couldn’t have done it without you. Oh man… we fought (laughing), but it’s been one hell of a journey that I do not regret doing.”
[Elle]: “What does it feel like?”
[Dee]: “It feels good. Sometimes I still get in my moments where I’m like ‘is this really happening?’ and then I realize ‘yeah, it is’... I have to keep reminding myself that I deserve it, instead of feeling bad about it because of my upbringing. But I’ve worked for this.”
[Elle]: “What were your first childhood memories of money?”
[Dee]: “We were never taught to save because it seemed like everybody was just trying to make ends meet. And even when my family tried to cover things up like everything was all good, you could see that it was still a financial struggle. We were also taught that you need to help people in your family no matter what situation you were going through. So I adopted that, not knowing that it was going to hurt me in my adult years.”
[Elle]: “So what have you learned in your adult years?”
[Dee]: “Dang, this is a pretty deep interview right now. (laughing) I have learned not to loan grown folks money and that you have to take care of yourself. You, yourself, are important and like your post said... don’t loan grown people money because many of them have the same opportunities in life to learn better money management habits... so why should you deprive yourself of greatness because you’re trying to support other people for that moment, but their habits are not changing in order to help themselves.”
[Elle]: “With you being “the loaner”, was it just a natural thing for you to do because you know me… It’s hard for me to just hand over my money like that (laughing), so what made that easy for you knowing that you probably weren’t going to get paid back?”
[Dee]: “It goes back to what was instilled in you, that you help your family or friends no matter what... even if that made you struggle.”
[Elle]: “Why do you think someone struggling already would give someone else money, knowing that it’s going to put them in a worse position?
[Dee]:“I feel like because that person is in denial, I mean… you know deep inside that something’s not right, but what you were taught overtakes all that and you do it anyway.”
[Elle]: “You feel obligated?”
[Dee]: “Yes, you do. It’s an obligation. And you’re made to feel guilty if you don’t loan the money and you don’t wanna feel that way so you lend the money anyway. But I got to a point in my life, especially after meeting you and really doing some soul searching and wanting to understand myself on a deeper level… and I don’t feel bad anymore. I want to feel good about my life and see where my life can go in the opposite direction without having to financially struggle. And what I’ve correlated is that you really feel better internally when you’re not drowning financially. It’s a horrible feeling having bill collectors blowing your phone up all the time because you’ve given that money to someone else. I just feel free now… I had to get out of that cycle.”
[Elle]: “What would you say to people who are irresponsibly loaning money to other people right now?”
[Dee]:“I would say to the ones that have that voice inside that’s telling you to do something different to do just that… do something different. You have to let that feeling of obligation and guilt go and work on yourself. And you’ll find that you don’t have to give away your hard earned money and it’s okay.”
[Elle]: “So what do you say now when people come and ask if they can borrow some money from you?”
[Dee]: People don’t come to me so much anymore, they used to... but before I can even get it out of my mouth now, they say it for me… ‘It’s not in the budget, right?!’ (laughing) and I just reply with... ‘as long as you know’!”
And she’s right folks! People will only do what you allow them to do. And if you’re in a situation where you want to get your finances on track, it’s okay to be selfish with your money to better the quality of your life. You should never let anyone make you feel bad about that.
If you missed Part I, check it out here: Sandy - The Shopper!
Drop a line down below and let me know how Dee’s story has inspired you!
Until Next Time,